Of deteriorating English and rotting brain

After almost a month of being back home in Kuching, I came to one conclusion – my mind is rotting and my English is starting to deteriorate. Like an old rumbling, rusty steam engine still trying to chug along even though it knows it is bound to fail and break down into thousands of tiny little brownish rusty cogs and wheels. Bah humbug.

I seem to lose that ‘flair’ or ‘ability’ or ‘thingamajig’ to whip up stories or write good stuff like I used to. In the past, whenever I get into the mood of writing, nothing seems to matter and my mind focuses on the task at hand. I would go into a trance, sort of like a dreamy state of existence where all my thoughts get magically transformed into prose.

There is even a term to describe this! I found it on our dear beloved Wikipedia.

Flow is the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity. Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields.[1]

Colloquial terms for this or similar mental states include: to be on the ballin the zone, or in the groove.

Now it seems I lost this magical flow state. Have you ever experienced this? The mental state where you could not seem to care less even when bombs are exploding around you? I always felt like that whenever I wrote essays, especially during the good old PBK times. Ever felt the wonderful, almost exciting state of scribbling down whatever that comes to your mind and controlling your writing style by subconsciously peppering a bit of flair here and there into your essay? The pleasure of producing something so unique, you knew you would not be able to write it again? Even if you could, you know you could not write exactly the same thing. The Herculean effort of trying to capture everything that flies around in your head and expressing it in a continuous flow of words, the process of trying to squeeze every minute detail you suddenly thought of when you are in the zone – it defies description. I am addicted to it, and I love the feeling.

So I guess whenever I write, I am in the zone. I am in the groove. I am on the ball. Whatever that means. Hey, thanks Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, for discovering flow state. p.s. that is one heck of a name to type.

I really, sincerely hope I will not lose this ‘gift’, or whatever it is called. I love writing, and I hope I can keep it that way, hopefully, with a flow-state mental condition. Otherwise the Internet will be flooded with my poor English.

Then again it would not be a bad thing. *insert evil laugh here*

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